Had to Try
by MageKalize
Summary: What if Gale had tried his luck with Katniss the morning of the reaping in the woods? What if she broke his heart just like he knew she would?


Title: Had to Try  
Genre: Angst  
Characters/Pairings: Gale/Katniss

Short summary: What if Gale had tried his luck with Katniss the morning of the reaping in the woods? What if she broke his heart just like he knew she would?

Disclaimer: The content of this and all of my stories are purely fiction. I am not or have I ever been affiliated with any part of the characters/cast of The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, Mockingjay or anyone affiliated with them. I claim no rights to any part of the characters/cast of The Hunger Games, Catching Fire or Mockingjay or any other real people (if any) mentioned in this story. If any event depicted in any of the stories have any kind of resemblance to actual events they are a coincidence and are not written intentfully.

A.N.: So this is my first and possibly last Hunger Games fiction. If I had my way, Katniss wouldn't have kept going back and forth between Gale and Peeta every five seconds, but I don't think I'd be able to withstand writing my own version of Hunger Games with this story as the opener. If anyone would like to take it on, be my guest. So, onward we go and please excuse any OOC-ness.

A.N. 2: I used a substantial amount of the book in the first half and one part towards the end. Collins said it best so I left those parts alone and just connected them together to fit my needs. Once again, I don't own any part of the Hunger Games trilogy and I make no money off of it.

~~~~HG~~~~HG~~~~HG~~~~HG~~~~HG~~~~HG~~~~HG~~~~HG~~~~HG~~~~HG~~~~HG~~~~

Reaping day, the 74th year.

I try to forget about today's date here in the woods where I feel safe, well as safe as anyone ever can in District 12. I look out over the woods, at the silence before the storm. With a sigh I push it out of my mind and turn to Gale instead.

I watch as Gale pulls out his knife and slices the bread. He could be my brother. Straight black hair, olive skin, we even have the same gray eyes. But we're not related, at least not closely. Most of the families who work the mines resemble one another this way.

I watch him closely as he goes about preparing our feast in silence. Gale breaks the silence momentarily confusing me with the words that come out of his mouth.

"We could do it you know," Gales says quietly.

"What?" I ask not following his thought.

"Leave the district. Run off. Live in the woods. You and I, we could make it," says Gale.

I don't know how to respond. The idea is so preposterous.

"If we didn't have so many kids," he adds quietly.

They're not our kids, of course. But they might as well be. Gale's two little brothers and a sister. Prim.

"I never want to have kids," I say.

"I might. If I didn't live here," says Gale.

"But you do," I say, irritated.

"Forget it," he snaps back.

The conversation feels all wrong.

And if we did…even if we did…where did this stuff about having kids come from? There's never been anything romantic between Gale and me.

Besides, if he wants kids, Gale won't have any trouble finding a wife. He's good-looking, he's strong enough to handle the work in the mines, and he can hunt. You can tell by the way the girls whisper about him when he walks by in school that they want him. It makes me jealous but not for the reason people would think. Good hunting partners are hard to find.

"What do you want to do?" I ask.

I want to redirect the conversation away from children and running away to what we both know and have some sort of control over; the hunt for survival.

We have a choice. We can hunt, fish, or gather.

I wait, but his answer never comes. I turn my head towards him, prepared to ask again hoping he had been discouraged from the previous line of thinking, and I freeze. He turned at the same time as I did and our eyes lock. I can't say it hasn't happened before, but this time it feels different. It is different.

Gale's gaze is penetrating and focused on mine and I'm taken aback by the intensity. Gale takes advantage of my surprise because he leans in and I freeze completely. Realizing a second too late what the all-consuming emotion in Gale's eyes means. He catches me off guard and before I could stop him, his lips are on mine.

I'm unresponsive for a few seconds but then Gale adds more pressure to get me to participate and I tentatively apply pressure in response. His lips take my cautious shift as a sign of consent and tilt his head for a more thorough kiss. I want to pull away, to tell him that I don't see him in that way, but his eagerness is contagious. For a moment in the middle of it all I let go of everything and just feel. I feel his dry lips as they kneed mine with a surety that energizes my own amateur response. I lean into the kiss, parting my lips in invitation which Gale picks up immediately if a little cautiously. He's probably wondering why I would encourage him and I have to wonder the same thing myself. I know what I'll have to do once this is done and subconsciously so does he so I let him have this.

I've never kissed anyone, but if this kiss is anything to go by this is definitely not Gale's first kiss. The thought of Gale kissing others should make me jealous, but it doesn't and I know that this will be his one and only kiss.

Slowly, Gale pulls away and I know that he's figured it all out. I must have stopped responding as enthusiastically as I had been when my train of thought broke through my initial willingness to just go with it and feel.

"Gale," I begin, but I know that this is Gale's time and sure enough he raises his hand to silence me with a finger over my lips.

My eyes are asking the questions though and for a second he reads them intently trying to find something, anything that will prove him wrong. But when it doesn't he lets out a sigh and turns to gaze out at the woods.

"I just had to try," he murmurs. His voice is deeper than usual and I'm not sure if it's from the intensity of the moment we just shared or if it's from the emotions he is trying to desperately hide.

"Why?" I think I know, but I want to hear it from him. I want to know what I will be destroying, because make no mistake; I will have destroyed a part of Gale Hawthorne, an integral part of who he is before the conversation is over and I ache for him.

"I could never live with myself if I didn't at least try. I don't want to have to live in 'what if' scenarios especially if it did work out. Unfortunately it did not, but at least I know it for a certainty." His voice trails off at the end and I want to reach out to him, but I can't seem to bridge the gap. I don't want to hurt him anymore than I have to.

"Why now? What. . . "_changed_? I trail off silently knowing he understood. Because Gale and I have known each other since I was twelve and five years most definitely changes things, but why now, why today, reaping day of all days? If his bet would have paid off and I could return even a minuscule amount of his feelings, what good would that do if I or gods forbid, he was reaped today? After all of it, what good could any of this do?

"Katniss, this is my last year. I have 42 slips and the odds are definitely not in my favor. I didn't want to go to my grave as it were, without you knowing what you mean to me." He paused to think before making a decision to continue.

"If by some miracle I'm spared today I will begin working in the mines and with that the expectation to make a home, a family will arise. Not that I would give in if I truly didn't want it, but the truth is that I would want it. I do want it. Had things gone differently between us . . ." I understood the implication all too well. If I would have been receptive of his feelings, returned them even, he would ask for my hand in marriage. Make that family with me, his trusted hunting partner and best friend.

"Gale," my voice is hoarse, throat tight, but I carry on, "that you may be spared doesn't mean that I will be."

His head whips to stare at me, but I continue before he can say anything.

"My name is in 24 times and I still have two years before I'm free to make a life with anyone." I can tell he wants to reassure me that it won't be me, but we all know that it is a reassurance that holds no guarantee.

"In any case, I don't want to get married and have kids. I don't want to bring anyone into this world where they will have to live through the horror of the hunger games. It's enough that_ we_ have to." I don't say it, but I know that Gale has caught what I am not saying; that I don't want to become emotionally involved with anyone because it's an exploitable weakness. Gale has never agreed with me on this point, he sees love as a strength and we always agree to disagree if only until the next time the argument comes up.

"Yeah, I was hoping that if anyone could, I was the one that could change your mind, but I guess it's not meant to be." He lets out a breath and stands up, answering my earlier question.

"Let's fish at the lake. We can leave our poles and gather in the woods. Get something nice for tonight," he says walking away.

And that is that. The throb in my chest doesn't ease, but I take the pain because I know that whatever pain I feel, Gale feels it a thousand times more and I'm the only one that can take it away, but know I never will.


End file.
